He had a good run and I remember the exact moment last week when I looked into his eyes and I could tell he was ready. It's funny with dogs though- they're usually ready before you are. I think that's why they're "man's best friend" because they're completely unselfish. They know when it's their time to go, but they understand we need a little more time and they hang on for us. They still manage to follow you around until you're finally ready to sit down, look into their eyes, remember all the good times, and give them that final "good boy" and scratch behind their left ear like they've always loved.
This is the exact scenario I was faced with this weekend and yesterday. I would go to my parents' house and I would try and say goodbye, but every time I looked at his face all I could see was the little puppy that stumbled behind me in my backyard because he hadn't grown into his body or the dog that helped train me for high school cross country every summer. He was there every afternoon, when I put on my running shoes, he would try to sit calmly by where I kept his leash.
I could tell he was only alive because he knew my brothers and I couldn't say goodbye just quite yet. My parents had said the previous week he pretty much just laid in the living room or on the deck outside, but when I went to visit Friday night he followed me around the whole house. Almost telling me, "I know you can't say goodbye yet, so I'll just be here whenever you're ready." Saturday afternoon I knew it was time. I had to carry him up the stairs because he just wasn't strong enough anymore and he weighed less than my little dog, Jack (Jack weighs about 20ish pounds), in my arms. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. I wasn't able to say goodbye until we were at the Vet's, while he was in my lap. He always shook when we walked into the building, but this time he was so calm and just rested in my lap. I told him I loved him, he was the best dog a little girl could ask for, and that he was the best friend I had ever had. Fifteen minutes later he went peacefully in the arms of my mom, my dad, and I as I scratched his favorite place; right behind his left ear.
Isn't it funny how dogs (or any pet) carve that special place in your heart? It's a place no human (in my experience) can get to because no matter what you do or say, they love you, unconditionally. I think every child should grow up with a puppy, so they can experience what it feels like to love something with their entire being and not expect anything in return. Honestly, can you say that there is another human or living thing that loves you, wags its tail, and just wants your love even after you've left them home alone all day? They're the one animal that doesn't care if your jeans are a little tighter this winter, if you don't quite like yourself that day, or what other people say about you. They just want to know that when you get home from work or school that you'll scratch them behind their ears, play fetch, and pull out the leash. I'm so appreciative to my parents for giving my brothers and I this opportunity.
I remember walking into the pet store, "The Pet Bowl," when I was 7 years old. My parents had told my brothers and I that we could have a dog now that we were all old enough. The minute our dog, Wrigley, was put into my arms I was in love. He licked my face and peed all over the floor and I wanted him forever. I remember going home that night and crying my head off because I didn't understand that you could put a dog on "hold," so you could go home and get your house "puppified" before bringing them in and no one else could buy them. I cried so much that my dad brought me back that night to show me he was still there and I held him in my arms, from that moment we were inseparable.
Over the next 15 years he gave us so many wonderful memories, such as chasing the white swans at a state park or catching a live possum and bringing inside the house as a prize. My favorite memories were ones of us taking runs together to the neighborhood park as he helped me train for high school cross country and college soccer. We would run to the park, do some sprints (or he'd just watch), and then we'd lay in the grass for a while until he decided it was time to go home. He always pushed me to do better because he'd never let me turn back a mile or even a block early. He would yank on the leash even harder if I tried to turn back early. That's why yesterday I dedicated my workout to him (yes, it sounds super cheesy). I pushed myself harder and ended up finishing 4th overall at my gym's WOD. It felt amazing!
Even though I miss his warm fuzzy fur, I know he's somewhere, with his fourth leg again, chasing down squirrels, bunnies, and birds...
My amazing friend for 15 years...
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